Once a bridal model, finally a bride
Updated: Mar 3, 2021
You know, if you had asked me in Summer 2019 if I would ever get married, I guess I would have said absolutely not. The cynic in me just felt like if it didn't happen already, well it probably was never going to happen. I suppose when you've gone through a few relationships where the idea was there, but it never quite felt right, it never felt like forever, you just decide it's not what you want. To be honest, being a bridal model made matters even more difficult, the pressure, constantly being asked the same question all the time of "So are you and your boyfriend ever going to get married?" The jokester in me constantly sharing beautiful photos of me in these incredible wedding gowns, always half jokingly commenting "Once A Bridal Model and Never a Bride," a saying I doubt I can take credit for, but one that I most certainly have used for as long as I have been lucky to model for designers such a Veronica Sheaffer and Estee Bridal. The joke really only softened the blow of the reality that I felt defeated or not enough to be loved the way I thought I deserved. The truth is, I always hoped I would get married, but I never thought beyond the idea of how exciting it would be to find someone who wanted to spend their life with me. For me, it wasn't about having a "dream wedding." I dreamt of the notion of true love, the idea that you find your forever, someone who sees you, and you see them, and everything else melts away. Does that even exist?
And then. Life changed. I met someone. I met this incredible man. And my life changed. From our first date, until the day he asked me to marry him, our relationship has been one of the easiest, most uncomplicated, and happiest day in and day out moments of my life. Like the kind of love that you don't believe exists, almost like its too good to be true. Honestly I was just "waiting" for something to not work.....because that is how life has always been. But not this time. Todd came along at a time, when I least expected it, and when I needed it the most. This kind, patient, generous, and handsome man, swept me off my feet, and has since day one, shown me what it is to not only love, but to be loved. How had I gone 32 years without ever feeling this kind of love? Uncomplicated, raw, and honest love? I know that life had a different plan for me and boy am I so thankful that we found each other, at precisely the moment we were meant to. I knew from very early on that he was "The One," even though the term sounds cheesy to type out, I had this feeling. You know the feeling where you are afraid to say something out loud, out of fear of jinxing things, but really deep down you hope your instincts are right? I even cringe while typing this, for fear of "jinxing" my life. But that is silly, isn't it?
And here we are, it's still so fresh, so new. I didn't think I'd be spending so much time researching wedding stuff. Honestly the idea of planning a wedding gives me the willies. It's all just too much about these things, that mean nothing in the grand scheme of it all. I just want a special day to celebrate, surrounded by the ones we love, and to have the kind of love and joy that lasts for a lifetime. And well, if I jinxed myself, at least I had a freaking blast along the way :)