forever is a hoax
Why do we spend so much time plotting our future when we can’t even comprehend our present? I am not one to fixate on forever because nothing really is truly forever right? We as a society are taught to find our path, our career, our soul mate, our dream home, and then settle for that for your lifetime. Like it’s some magic pathway to success and happiness. It’s not to say that aspects of those things can’t last your lifetime and be enough, but what about those of us who don’t have it all figured out? What about the ones who had to cross troubled waters, and go leaps and bounds to find our who we are presently.
If you are like me, you spent a good portion of your teens and 20’s feeling lost at sea. Barely keeping your head above water. Finding yourself wasn’t really an option because you didn’t ever have much guidance to know the direction to begin in in the first place. Somewhere along the line, light bulbs went off paving your way, paths aligned, relationships blossomed, and it felt like you were smooth sailing. And then. You weren’t. Another roadblock. A bad relationship. Thinking you found a career that would made you happy, only then to skip to another career 4 years later, to find that that also didn’t fill your purpose. At the end of the day, we all have a purpose in life. For some it is being a mom, doctor, scientist, bartender, and the the list goes on. And others, like me, the lost directionless, an artist. A title I never truly considered myself until I reached my 30’s. Because we are never taught that we can make careers out of the very things we are good at or that bring us joy. They don’t teach that if we learn all the tools and have the drive to make it happen, we can essentially make almost anything happen. Or at least no one really ever told me that. But here we are. You can take your career as a model/actor/photographer/etc and discover you love to write, produce, create more. Then you evolve. Find new jobs you didn’t know you could make a living doing. You become who you always thought you wanted to be, but never knew how to get there. I can’t say that the feeling lasts, because usually it doesn’t, but it can evolve into a great drive to be better. To pursue different paths.
I write this because I often look around at the people I grew up with, and many are married, have homes, kids, and what many people consider the perfect dream. I know that many of those dreams we see on social media only show what they want us to see. The happiness. And for some, those are probably their version of a fairytale. I used to joke that I didn’t really want those things. That I didn’t want to get married or have kids or have a house. All permanent things. The reality is, I told myself that because I wasn’t happy with the life I was living. I told myself that because I wanted to believe I wanted the same thing as a my then significant other. I was disappointed that I hadn’t found those things for myself. The truth is, we all want forever. To have someone that looks at us each day and genuinely sees forever in us. We want to feel accepted in our relationships/friendships for who we are and what path we have followed. And we want to feel good in the career that we invest a considerable portion of our time in. We don't and should never be defined by someone else's path unless they are truly shared as our own. Then I suppose it can be wonderful. I assume.
So perhaps forever isn’t such a bad thing to work towards, but it might serve you more to focus on what is making you happy in the present, and less on what will make you happy in 6 months, 1 year, and so on. Do what serves your soul, for you, and only you. And maybe one day your forever will find you.