pro·cras·ti·na·tion
/prəˌkrastəˈnāSH(ə)n/ noun the action of delaying or postponing something.
I said- I will do it tomorrow. I will start saving for this thing when I get my next big job. I will do it after I post this photo. I will, but really I won't. Not because I can't. But because-something in my head said I don't want to right now. No other explanation. Maybe its linked to my anxiety, or my inner introvert, but does it matter??? It still sucks. To some degree these excuses delayed a lot of things for me. When we lack self confidence or the physical tools to complete something, we find them as a roadblocks and use it to our advantage to make excuses to not do them. Sometimes it means we forget to pay a bill on time, or submit a self tape, or make an appointment, or go to the gym, or call that person. It can set you back and it truly is a nuisance. Here is my story...
Hi, My name is Danielle and I am an a procrastinatoraholic. But this story isn't about that. This is perhaps more about my life leading up to this very moment. The procrastinations that lead to this life. To this exact moment where I sit in a coffee shop, on an average weekday in my new home of Los Angeles. Burbank to be exact. I am sitting on my MacBook Air- replying to the floods of castings coming in from various places. It isn't a typical day for me because I don't normally have time to just sit at a coffee shop. This isn't even a day off, I am looking at 2 self tapes that are due this weekend, and a list of a few others as well. This doesn't overwhelm me, but instead gives me a sense of joy and fulfillment. All of the work I put in Monday-Sunday 8am-11pm, all day, every day, is seeming to feel like it is working to some degree. This sense of joy and progress is at a different level than before, because this time is different. This time I am sitting in the place I've dreamed of being, doing what I consider something I am good at, that makes me feel like me, and I can feel proud of. I can finally feel at peace in this chaos. It isn't really about that either...
This is about timing. This is about hard work. I regularly talk about how I hustle. I love to share my story, my successes, my advice to others who struggle. I love sharing because I believe that we all have a story to share, and that if I can make this weird life work, you can too. Being a full time- anything entrepreneur isn't easy. Not everyone is made for it. I decided a long time ago that I would have a career that would make my grandma proud. I still honor that. I never got to have that margarita with my grandma in Vegas like she wanted. But my very first traveling modeling job I got to work in Las Vegas, at 22. I had a margarita, and I honored her. I will never forget that moment. All of these moments have made me who I am. But let me set things straight. I do what I do, day in and day out, for myself. It took me a lot of heart break, a lot of loss, a lot of no's, to learn the value of my own self. To learn that if I don't first do everything for me, I will never get the praise I sought after for so long.
So here I am. I worked so hard for these years. I was a full time model and actress in Chicago. Auditioning. Getting my stride. Booking the clients I wanted. But I felt stuck, lost perhaps, or maybe just not valued. Lost in a sea of bipolar weather and yearning to live somewhere else. I had the opportunity to move to Nashville, I did. I hated it. I did it for love. But most of all I did it because I needed a break. An 18 month break. That break, almost broke me. But it taught me something. It taught me that I was meant to be somewhere else. I knew it for sure now. I needed to take that risk, rip off the bandaid, and just put myself in the fire to see it, but I saw it indeed. So the decision was made to pick up and move to California. Saved for months, had several big jobs come through in Chicago that enabled me to have an instant cushion for just in case. But it also confused me. Should I go back to Chicago where I have a network and regular work??? NO. If I don't do this for me RIGHT NOW, I will regret it my whole life. The move is done. I am here. I arrived in Los Angeles, and I haven't stopped moving since. I was insanely nervous to be somewhere new YES, I was afraid about not making money. STILL AM. But I am making money. I haven't had to get a regular job. I am booked almost every single day, getting paid to ACT and MODEL. So sure its only been 2.5 months and there is lots of time ahead, but here is my point.
IF you want something bad enough. If you use every single tool you have available in your tool box. If you put yourself out there. Take risks. Do something scary. You can make a path for yourself that fits your goals. I put off moving to LA for over 6 years because someone held me back. Stupid yes. But the timing of it was right. If I had come here any sooner I don't know that I would have the same experience. I wake up each day. Smiling. I check my email constantly. I check all the casting sites available to me multiple times a day. I am constantly reaching out and seeking new opportunities. EVERY SINGLE DAY. If I don't, I miss the opportunities that help my career. I can't procrastinate. I can't miss any thing. This is real life. If you want to be something more than you are right now, you have to put yourself out there day in and day out. Struggling. Failing. Picking back up again. I don't always have days where I am working 3 gigs back to back. Or multiple auditions. I have some days where I just write. And email. And practice. I am taking 2 different acting classes. I am researching new opportunities constantly. I am living my own personal dream. I am living in the very place where I feel comfort. I've never felt so much sense of oneness until I moved here. This took me years to get to this place, but I am here. NO REGRETS.
So ask yourself. Do you challenge yourself every day? Are you happy with your current path? What are you doing regularly to change that? If you want something more, do something more!
In the meantime- please check out my Youtube channel for Modeling/Acting Advice
<3
https://www.youtube.com/user/daniellemaddoxsp
Photo by: http://darrenjsabino.com